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<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Feel free to imagine the voice of Richard Boone (1917-1981) speaking these lines. The show was Have Gun Will Travel<\/em>. It would last five seasons and its formula of a black suited cowboy-knight-errant was so durable and popular that no one ever wondered how a man wearing dark clothes while riding in a hot desert sun stays so imperturbably cool.<\/p>\n It has lately come to our corner store\u2019s attention that David Mamet is expressing some interest in reviving <\/a>Have Gun Will Trave<\/a>l<\/em> complete with a new Paladin.<\/p>\n This made us wonder: How would one of America\u2019s foremost playwrights handle this prelude? What would he bring to this classic introduction?<\/p>\n With our deepest apologies to Mr. Mamet (and our urgent warnings to the reader that the following filigree carries an \u201cmature\u201d label), we think\u2026it would go\u2026Something\u2026Like\u2026This:<\/p>\n PALADIN: You see this gun? You see this fucking gun I\u2019m pointin\u2019 at you? Nice, isn\u2019t it? I mean, \u201cnice\u201d\u2026Just a word, right? Doesn\u2019t even do the work, that word. Like it\u2019s too fucking lazy to try harder, right? \u201cNice!\u201d Forget I even said the fuckwad word\u2026 Your sister\u2019s \u201cnice\u201d! Your grandmother\u2019s probably \u201cnice\u201d, too, right?…Shaddap! You don\u2019t talk. I talk\u2026<\/em> And do you know why you don\u2019t deserve to know these things? Let me spell it out for you.<\/em> And that\u2019s just the prelude. If Mamet gets his hands on this franchise, his episodes could go on for a while longer than the original\u2019s half-hour run. If this works out, we could be around for a while, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Fifty-five years ago this month, at about half-past-nine on a\u00a0Saturday night over the CBS Television Network,\u00a0a man pulled a pistol out of a fancy holster and pointed it at the audience: PALADIN: I\u2019d like you to take a look at this gun. The balance is excellent. This trigger responds to a pressure of one ounce. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[185,368],"tags":[87],"class_list":["post-358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-on-writing-lit-and-unlit","category-tv-reviews","tag-have-gun-will-travel-david-mamet-parody-vintage-tv-westerns-richard-boone"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/358","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=358"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/358\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3884,"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/358\/revisions\/3884"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=358"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=358"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geneseymour.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=358"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.geneseymour.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/have.gun_.will_.travel.231.dvdrip.xvid-osiris-3247-300x225.jpeg\")
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\nYou have any idea what it\u2019s like holding this gun? Are you even capable of imagining what I\u2019m feeling when I hold this fucking gun? It\u2019s like holding\u2026 My! DICK!…That\u2019s exactly it!…Imagine how your joint would feel if you could let it roll around in your fucking hands as you hold it out like that! Like it\u2019s not attached, but it still does whatever you fucking want, even if it\u2019s ripped off your body. Ex-ACT-ly Like That!<\/em>
\nNow\u2026do you know how I came to own this gun? You know how such a perfectly balanced piece of machinery found its way into my right hand, pointed at both your fucking chins? Can your mouse-shit brain grasp what I had to go through to get this balanced to the point where if I whisper diRECtly at the FUCKING hammer, it FUCKING goes off? Do you know? Can you imagine?<\/em>
\nDon\u2019t bother answering because I already know the answer, you prairie scumbag! This gun is worth your whole fucking ranch and all your rat-sucking livestock five times over. Don\u2019t even ask me what it costs! You know what it cost? EAT SHIT AND DIE! That\u2019s how much it cost. You don\u2019t deserve to know what it costs. You don\u2019t deserve to imagine how it feels to hold your fucking dolphin detached from your fat, worthless pelvis with six chambers locked and loaded\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n
\nBECAUSE\u2026YOU ARE A PIECE\u2026OF SHIT! THAT\u2019S WHY! A PIECE\u2026OF SHIT\u2026The bullets in these chambers cost more than your stupid cattle could fetch in the stockyards, you self-deluded prick! This gun\u2026This\u2026fucking gun can drive your goddam herd to Kansas Fucking City and New Fucking Jersey and back! By itself!! This fucking gun can read your whole goddam library of fake fucking books and give you a fucking test tomorrow\u2026This\u2026Where are you going? Where the FUCK do you think you\u2019re going? I\u2019m not through belittling you, you fat fuck! You wait till I\u2019m done talking, you cheap bastard! You moronic douche-bag! You simple shit\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n